Most
of the wounding and the resulting false beliefs about ourselves
and others that we carry into our adult lives occurs at
a very young age. This "Fairy Tale" describes the discoveries
my apprentices and I have made, as we have journeyed into
our pasts to discover the source of the wounds carried by
the masculine and feminine archetypes within, and of the
often merciless self judgments that result.
Once
upon a time, in a time not so long ago and in a place not
so far away, there was born a little child. This little
child was very special, born into complete innocence and
purity. This child was a child of God, born as Love-- being
only Love, like a gentle heart turned inside out. Open.
Vulnerable. Pure love.
The new parents and everybody liked this child well enough
at first -- it was cute and not too much trouble. As time
went by, however, this child began to express itself in
the world, and conflicts began to develop. Often the Parents
got angry at the child for crying, or told it not to use
that angry tone of voice with them. They laughed at its
fear, and told it not to make so much noise, and so on.
The child began to be afraid of the Parents, and the World--
and most of all, the precious child of Love began to be
afraid of its own feelings and sense of reality.
Now totally unbeknownst to the child of Love and to the
World, deep inside this little child there were a actually
two little children-- a little girl part and a little boy
part. The little girl part felt the feelings, needs, and
sensitivities inside this special child. The little girl
is the part that felt so hurt when she was shamed or yelled
at or made wrong for being herself.
Right next to that little girl part was the little boy part.
He hated to see that girl part hurt and sad all of the time,
and he was angry at the Parents. So he spoke up, and said
to them: "NO, you are mean, don't talk to us that way! Love
us!"
Well, you can imagine what they said and did to that little
boy part. That's right, they got really mad at him. And
they made him be quiet -- and they knew perfectly well how
to make him be quiet. They told him that nobody would love
them unless both the little girl and the little boy acted
the way the Parents told them to, because they knew the
way the World expected them to act.
And so, the little boy part turned to the little girl part
inside, and said to her: "You have to be quiet! Don't cry
and don't be hurt and don't show your fear and don't tell
the truth -- because you and your feelings are bad and the
Parents know it and if you don't do all that stuff maybe
they will love us and not reject us and not hurt our feelings
so much. I'm not big enough or strong enough to protect
us from them, so we have to be quiet and do it their way."
As you might expect, the little girl part became silent,
and she and the little boy part of our child of Love learned
to look outside of themselves to see what was expected of
them, what was allowed of them, and who they should be in
order to be loved and accepted. They were very afraid of
being rejected and not loved, because they were very little.
And so, the child of Love died, and the child of Fear was
born. And the little boy part became the voice of the Parents
and the World, inside, making the child of Love wrong for
being who she was. AND THUS WAS BORN THE INNER JUDGE.
And to this day, even now that the special child is all
grown up, inside the little boy Judge is still telling the
little girl part to be quiet, to not express her feelings
or her truth, and to do everything the way THEY say she
should. And to make sure that she remembers, he reminds
her constantly that she is not OK the way she is... she
has to do it better, be more, be stronger and less emotional,
and mostly be like Them, in order to have the love and acceptance
she and he need to survive in the world.
